a few months ago, I wasn’t in the best state of mind
but it wasn’t rock bottom
there were days when I’d just sit around and watch
watch the world
one day as I was sitting on the cozy grey couch in the middle of the living room
my mom was conducting her art classes
the children that came every day were loud and boisterous, they’d usually annoy me
and I’d go back to my room irritated
but it was different that day I didn’t have enough energy to feel irritated or angry or annoyed
I just sat there
looking at the way they painted their elephants and zebras in all the hues of the rainbow
they were some who were in utter distress, always peeking into the sheet beside theirs,
constantly worried that someone else’s painting would be better than theirs
and how proudly they’d present them as if they were no less than a Rembrandt
but that’s not the part I felt the need to write about
it was the part where when they did show their sheets of art, their chests beaming with pride
my mom asked all of the other kids to clap for them
and once everyone was done clapping
she’d say ‘Now,clap for yourself”
and then they’d clap for themselves
louder than all the others combined, as if they’d worked only to be able to clap for
themselves
and that made me realise that
sometimes the only person you need validation from is yourself
everything you’ve worked so incredibly hard for, all to be proud of yourself
all to finally feel like you’re capable of doing something on your own
of reaching somewhere through your own character
to finally prove the 5 year old girl who always believed in herself right
who believed she was capable of everything in the world no matter how hard it was for her to even pronounce it
she knew, she could do it
so this ones for all those
who’ve worked so hard but still feel guilty about giving themselves more than one ounce of satisfaction
who’ll never feel like they’ve done enough
for the ones who blame themselves for all the bad things around them
give yourselves a moment
a moment to realise that even if your painting isn’t the best one in the class
you can still be the one clapping for yourself
because at the end of the day
all you have is you and your art
all you have to do is clap
loudly
